just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
