Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
