i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
