Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
