Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
