Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
