Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
