Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we have pet lesbian snakes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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