my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
