He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
