Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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