never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
