Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
