Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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