If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
