I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
