Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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