I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
