Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
