I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions