his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.