officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
