Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
