Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
