My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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