Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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