Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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