I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
