Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize