did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
