i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
