wakey wakey hands off snakey
my phone needs a breathalizer
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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