You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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