my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
