This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
