I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
