it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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