youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
