he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
