the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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