shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
