Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
