LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
