I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
