I heard we made out
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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