Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
