I cockslap morals
I chose taco bell over sex...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife