My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive