My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends