did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?