I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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