You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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