how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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