Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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