A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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