Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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