I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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