maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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