he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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