i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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