so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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