Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
