Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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