textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
